Mine, Yours and Ours

When you get married, you become one with your spouse. What’s his is hers. What’s hers is his. Does that also include your finances? 

I was all for having just a joint account when I first got married. Everything was going well until I realized I had married a spender.  It seemed like every week he was buying another computer monitor or buying new equipment for our home gym.

The only time it would bother me is when I would ask if I could spend a few dollars on myself. The answer was always “no” because “we” had just purchased that brand new computer monitor or new equipment for our home gym.

Towards the end of our marriage, I got smart. I opened up a personal account. Whatever bills I was responsible for, I made sure I transferred enough money into our joint account and kept the rest for myself to spend on whatever I wanted.

I remember talking to one of my Aunts about the situation. She told me that her and her husband never pooled all of their money together. “He doesn’t need to know about every new dress I buy” is what she said at the end of our conversation.

I agree.

I think every couple should have one joint account for the bills and two separate accounts for personal spending. This will force the spender in the relationship to be mindful of what they’re spending their money on and to teach them some money management skills.

What’s your take on couples that only have a joint account vs. those who have a joint and separate accounts?

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When you get a chance, please visit my friend Tyrone’s blog. His posts are insightful and very thought provoking. See his blog here.

Thanks for reading and keep smiling :)

Younger Man, Older Woman Syndrome

Society seems to frown upon women who marry younger men (younger meaning that their husband is a minimum of ten years younger). We tend to assume that it’s always the woman who was the predator. That’s not always the case. 

Anytime a man in his 20’s approaches me, my first question to him is “do you know how old I am?” The response is always the same, “age is nothing but a number”.  

A lot of the times, these men are just looking for a Sugar Mama. They are probably still in school and living at home. They most likely don’t have a full time job and are still riding the TTC. My question to them is  “what are you bringing to the table?.................That’s what I thought, absolutely nothing!

I’ve asked some of these men what attracts them to older woman. The number one response is older woman are more mature compared to women their age. We all know that woman mature faster than men but that doesn’t mean run off and marry them.

There are two major concerns I raise when talking to these men:

1) Fertility

 If he's in his late 20’s/early 30’s and he marries a woman that's ten years older than him, he's not going to have the luxury of waiting 3-5 years to have children. His wife’s biological clock is probably ticking and she’s going to want to get pregnant within six months to a year.

2) Aging

Even though his older wife doesn't look her age, what happens when she starts to? He's either going to have to spend a whole lot of money on Botox or his eyes are going to start wandering.

My advice to these younger men is always the same: be patient and wait for someone who’s the same age or a few years younger. It could save you from a lifetime of regret and disappointment.

What are you views on men that pursue/marry older woman?

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Tick-Tock goes our Biological Clock

Most woman have dreams of having their own children. Oftentimes those dreams are put on hold for a variety of reasons. Some delay Motherhood because they want to climb the corporate ladder. Some have difficulty getting pregnant. Then there are those that got married later in life and some who are still waiting for Mr. Right.

This week I came across a story in the Toronto Star, “Giving birth at 56”. Tessa’s story is a typical 21^st century story – she got married, had three children, got divorced but still wanted to have a fourth child. With the help of In Vitro fertilization (IVF), a sperm and egg donor, she became pregnant and had a son.

I’m not hating on woman who decide to become mothers at age 40 and beyond but let’s take a look at the bigger picture. There are so many risks that you and your baby may face if you decide to get pregnant in your 40’s and 50's. Here are the most common concerns:

1 You may experience a harder time getting pregnant with your own eggs and will most likely have to pay for an egg donor

2 You raise the risk of having multiple miscarriages or having a child who ends up with a birth defect

3 Many end up having high blood pressure and gestational diabetes

4 Many give birth prematurely or end up having a baby with a low birth weight

5 When all your friends are making plans for retirement, you’ll be making plans to send your child off to University or College

Of course there are pros to having a child later on in life -  the main one being financially stable.

If you're able to have children before you turn 40, jump on the opportunity. If you're unable to get pregnant or waiting to get married, I suggest you start accepting your situation and start moving on. For those that are purposefully delaying getting pregnant, think of all the milestones you may miss if you decide to get pregnant in your 40's or 50's. 

What is your view on those that decide to have children in their 40’s and beyond?

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Thanks for reading and keep smiling :)