My Dad is a Survivor

Dear Daddy,

This past weekend, I asked our family and friends to use one word to describe you and explain why they chose that word. I chose Survivor. Here’s why.

In May of 2000, you had the biggest scare of your life. You were diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma cancer. 

When you told us, I thought you were joking.

I was confused. You were the healthiest person I knew. You exercised on a regular. You ate right. You took care of yourself. I couldn’t understand why God would allow this to happen to you.

Every night that you spent lying in that hospital bed, I lay in yours begging God to spare your life.

Prior to your diagnosis, we didn’t have much of a relationship. We barely exchanged words to one another other than “Good Morning” and “Good Evening”. If you survived this hurdle, I knew this couldn’t continue. Things would have to change.

I remember visiting you in the hospital and couldn’t help but cry. You had lost so much weight. You were so weak. I wanted nothing more than to see you get better.

I’ll never forget the dream you shared with us while you were in the hospital. In your dream, you had the choice to either choose life or death – you chose life. God granted your request and fifteen years later, you're cancer free!

During the past fifteen years, we have become the bestest of friends. You have stuck by me during the most difficult seasons of my life. You are the first person I call when I have a decision to make. You showed me that you are never too old to try something new. You taught me to never give up.

Thank you for raising me to be the woman I am today. Many of the things I have accomplished thus far is because of you.

As we celebrated your 65^th Birthday this past weekend, I was awe as I listened to those who paid tribute to you. The amount of lives you have impacted in 65 years is out of this world!

Daddy, thank you for being a Godly example of what a Man, Father and Friend should be. May God continue to bless you with good health and allow you to see many more birthdays.

Love Always,

Monique

What word would you use to describe your Dad and why?

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Ten Million Dollars

Remember the song “If I had a million dollars” by the Barenaked Ladies? How many times did you dream and make lists of what you would do with that kind of money?

Today, a million dollars is nothing but peanuts but what about ten million? Still not a whole lot but take a few minutes to imagine what you would do if someone gave you that kind of money.

Creating my list wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be but here it is:

1) Pay my tithes and make a substantial donation towards my church's new building.

2) Pay off all of my debt.

3) Put money aside for my retirement.

4) Put money aside for my children’s education.

5) Pay off my parent’s mortgages and any debt they may have.

6) Move into a brand new house with an oversized kitchen and backyard.

7) I would open my own music school and bakery – Chapters and Starbucks style.

8) Take a vacation for a year. I would spend two months each in Italy, Spain, Paris, Australia, India and South Africa.

9) Send my parents and siblings on a vacation of their choice.

10) Invest what’s left.

What would you do if someone gave you ten million dollars?

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Childhood Memories

If I could go back to one period in my life, I'd choose my childhood. A time when I had no bills to pay. No snow to shovel. No decisions to make.

As I get older, I find myself taking more trips down memory lane. Here are a few of my favourite childhood memories: 

10) Waking up before my parents every Saturday morning to watch cartoons. Some of my  favourites were: Thunder Cats, JEM, Care Bears, Teddy Ruxpin and the Muppet Babies.

9) Being called a boy by my classmates for wearing a He-Man t-shirt. All that name calling didn't phase me one bit. That was my favourite t-shirt of all time. No one was going to stop me from wearing it!

8) I couldn't have been more than 3 years old when I grabbed a tub of Vaseline and smeared it all over my face, body and hair. My Mother was not impressed!

7) Moving from our condo (5 Vicora Linkway, Suite 506 - yes I remember!) during my second last week of Grade 1.

6) Watching Mary Poppins for the first time. To this day, that is still my favourite Disney movie.

5) Meeting Jodie (Nerene Virgin) from “Today’s Special”.

4) Receiving my first Cabbage Patch doll from my favourite Uncle.

3) Getting Rainbow Brite and Starlite for Christmas. My parents must have gone to a dozen stores before finding Rainbow Brite. I almost had to settle for Twink.

2) Saying the F word at my Dad’s work party. My parents were furious. As soon as we got home, my parents made me wash my mouth with brown soap. I never said the F word again.

1) My first day of Kindergarten. It was raining that morning and our Cordoba was being towed to the mechanic for repairs. Instead of taking the bus or a cab, my Dad and I ran all the way to Gateway Boulevard Public School in the rain.  

What are some of your favourite childhood memories?

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Maiden Name, Married Name or Both?

Ten years ago, I frowned upon women who chose to keep their maiden name after getting married. My belief was, if a woman decided to get married, taking her husband’s name wasn’t an option. Marriage is about becoming one with your spouse and having one name – his name.

Well, I’m not so sure about those views anymore. I don’t think I’ve met anyone that loves their maiden name more than I do. It’s not a common name and a great conversation starter. Many can’t pronounce it correctly or even spell it right. That’s ok though. I have no problem with that. 

That’s why I have zero plans of dropping it a second time. When I get married again, Findlayter will either become an additional middle name or I’ll hyphenate it. Getting rid of it is NOT an option.

My number one reason for wanting to keep my maiden name (other than loving it so much) is for business purposes. My clients have finally gotten used to calling me by my maiden name. Secondly, I have no intention of spending anymore money to change my business licenses again.

Whether a woman decides to keep her maiden name or dump it for her husband’s name is a personal choice.

Many women choose to keep their maiden name because that’s just a part of who they are. Their last name is their identity. It’s the name they’ve been called all their lives.

Another common reason why some choose to keep their name is because there are no male children in their family. Keeping their maiden name means keeping the family name alive.

If a woman decides not to take her husband’s name, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love him or isn’t committed to him. It’s not a suggestion that their marriage won’t last. It’s not even about her wanting to keep her “single status/identity”. It just might mean that she couldn’t care less about giving in to a tradition.

That’s what this name change thing really is. A tradition. Many of us were brought up to believe that woman have to change their last names after they got married. No one has ever asked a man to take on his wife’s last name. Maybe they should. Or not.

In about twenty years, I’m pretty sure this debate about maiden name vs married name won’t be such a big deal. That’s because it isn’t.

What are your views on women keeping their maiden names after marriage?

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In-Laws - Beware

I know of someone who once said if she ever gets married, her In-Laws would either have to be dead or living in a different country. I only understood the logic behind this statement after signing my divorce papers.

The kind of relationship you have with your In-Laws before you get married will determine the kind of relationship you will have with them after you get married. 

After four and a half years of marriage, I walked away with a list of five things to look out for just in case I decide to tie the knot again.

1) How they treat other In-Laws – If your future In-Laws speak negatively about their Son/Daughter In-Law behind their back, they will do the same to you after you get married.  

  

2) Compatibility – If you don’t get along with your In-Laws before the wedding, chances are you won’t get along with them after the wedding.

3) How to address Parents In-Laws – What you decide to call your future Father and Mother In-Law is totally up to you. Call them what makes you feel comfortable; whether it’s Mr. and Mrs. So and So, addressing them by their first names or calling them Mom or Dad. If they don’t treat you like a Son or Daughter, calling them Mom or Dad is completely out of the question.

4)  How to handle conflict – If you have an issue with your In-Laws, speak to them directly. Don’t depend on your spouse to solve the issue(s) for you.

5) Be Yourself – Stop trying to impress your In-Laws. If your spouse accepted you for who you are, they need to do the same.

If you're dealing with difficult In-Laws, it's never too late to make a list of what you expect from them. Encourage them to do the same. A little bit of respect and communication could be the key ingredients to a successful relationship.

For those who are married or divorced, what have you learned from being an In-Law?

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Sex Before Marriage - Good or Bad?

I was twelve when my Mom talked to me about sex. She explained where babies came from and told me not to do it before I got married. 

Sex was still considered a taboo topic in the 90's. Parents didn't feel the need to explain to their children why they should abstain from sex until they got married. 

Today, we live in a society that glorifies sex; from the television shows and music videos we watch to the billboards we see at every street corner.

With sex being thrown in our faces, so many are ignoring what their parents told them and experimenting with 6, 7 or 8 partners.

There’s the never ending debate on whether it’s really beneficial to abstain from sex until marriage.

Here are the two major reasons why people don't wait:

1) Experience - Who really wants to be a rookie on their wedding night?

2) Peer Pressure - Children and teens are being pressured from their peers to do it.

Here are some of the disadvantages of having sex before marriage:

1) Partner comparison – When you finally tie the knot with the love of your life, you’re most likely going to compare them to your previous partners.

2) Abortions – So many females end up aborting their babies out of fear of getting kicked out of their home. What they don’t realize is that they’ll have to live with the repercussions of that decision for the rest of their life.

3) Babies born out of wedlock – A lot of the times, babies born out of wedlock don’t get the opportunity to grow up with both parents under the same roof. Most of the time, these Mother’s end up raising their child(ren) on their own.

4) Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD’s) – By not practicing safe sex, you increase your risk of getting an STD.

Here are two major reasons why you should save yourself for marriage:   

                

1) God created sex for married couples only - Sex is to be experienced between a husband and wife to express their love towards one another and for the purpose of procreation.

2) No partner comparison – If you and your spouse both save yourselves for marriage, you will have no one to compare your partner to. No comparison = No disappointments.

As a Christian, I still believe that sex should be saved for the person you marry. I also plan on encouraging my children to save themselves for marriage. The one thing I will do differently from my parents is to explain why it's important to wait. From there, I can only hope that my children will take my advice and learn from my experiences.

If you had sex before marriage, would you make the same decision again or would you have waited?

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My Greatest Fear

My greatest fear isn’t being told that I have cancer. My greatest fear is being told that I have Alzheimer’s disease. The thought of not being able to remember the happiest or even the saddest moments in my life frightens me. Or not being able to remember the names of my family members and friends. The thought of having to depend on others to help me with the simple tasks in life – like getting dressed – is depressing. Or not being able to communicate my thoughts with others.

These are just a few symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease.

Alzheimer’s is a form of dementia and a very progressive disease. This disease can start damaging the brain up to ten years before symptoms start surfacing. It usually affects people age 65 and older. Those between the ages of 30 to 60 could be diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s.

This disease scares me so much because my Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when she was 88. 

It hurt to witness her not remember some of the details of her own life or mine. There were times when she couldn’t remember my name or would repeat the same information over and over again. She passed away five years later - long before the final stages of this disease had the opportunity to take over.

In 2009, I came across the book, “Still Alice” by Lisa Genova. I was immediately drawn to this book because the main character, Alice, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. This weekend, I finally watched the movie starring Julianne Moore.

There was one part in the movie when Alice said you can’t let the disease define who you are. She’s absolutely right. Being diagnosed with any kind of disease is just another chapter in your book of life.

Even though I fear being diagnosed with an illness at some point in my life, I can’t let those fears  dictate the kind of life I want to live. The one thing I took away from watching “Still Alice” is to create memories while living in the moment. For me, that means capturing my memories with my camera. Documenting my thoughts and experiences in a journal and spending as much time with family and friends.

None of us know what the future holds. That’s why it’s so important to live each day as if it’s our last. Spend time doing the things you love with the people you love.

What’s the one illness you hope you will never get?

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Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy aren't real?

Why do parents think it’s ok to lie to their children about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy? They teach them that lying is wrong but they do it themselves. That’s kind of hypocritical, don’t you think?

There’s nothing wrong with telling them about these fictional characters. There’s nothing wrong with taking them to the Santa Claus parade or the Easter parade. Just as long as they walk away knowing that the man in the red suit and the person wearing those big floppy ears aren’t real.

I was 10 when I found out that Santa Claus wasn’t real. One of my classmates and I argued back and forth until they started laughing at me. I went home that afternoon and confronted my Mom about it. That’s when she finally told me the truth. Santa Claus didn’t climb down the chimney on Christmas Eve to deliver presents to me or my siblings. All those presents that were marked “From Santa” were really from my Mom and Dad. I was crushed. For 10 years, my Mom thought it was ok to lie to me.

I never believed in the Easter Bunny. The thought of Easter bunnies laying chocolate eggs seemed ridiculous.

I don’t remember when I stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy. It was definitely before I was ten. Back in the 80’s, we only received 25 cents for losing a tooth. Today, some of my students tell me they receive $5, $10 or even $20!

After the Santa Claus incident, I vowed to never lie to my children about these fictional characters. So what if I’m taking the fun out of their childhood? The last thing I want is to see that look of disappointment on their faces when I tell them that Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny aren’t real. I don’t want to see them cry and call me a liar.

If you teach your children not to lie, I suggest you start practicing what you preach. Telling them the truth about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy could save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

Did your parents lead you to believe that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy were real?

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My Happiness Project: Organization

I’m now in month three of my Happiness Project.

Last month’s resolution was Health & Fitness: to maintain a healthy weight and diet by exercising and eating right. I completed my first month of P90X and the 30 day Squat challenge. This month I will continue with P90X, I’m going to do the 30 day Arm challenge and sign-up for the Ajax Women's Boxing Boot Camp.

My resolution for this month is Organization: to keep all areas of my house tidy at all times – especially my kitchen. 

Anyone that comes to my house expects my kitchen to be a mess with all of the baking I do. Anytime I bake, I have a bad habit of leaving the dishes for a day or two…or three…or four! When I do end up washing them, it takes me at least an hour. If I tackle them right away, I could easily cut that time in half.

Since I’m a bit of a scatterbrain, I created a weekly schedule. I have a bad habit of trying to work on five projects at a time and never get any of them done. By creating this schedule, it will force me to focus on one task at a time.

Finally, I decided to create a meal plan for the entire month. By doing this, it will force me to buy groceries, cook and eliminate all of the last minute fast food orders.

Back in January, I did a piece on “All this Clutter!” I made a 21 day resolution to clear all of my clutter.

I went from this:

To this:

I’ve been living a clutter free life for the past 34 days!

Sometime this month, I would like to learn how to play Chess again. I haven't played since Grade 3. If you know of anyone that would be willing to give me a few lessons, please let me know.

What goals/resolutions have you made for this month?

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